10 Honest Thoughts on Being Loved By a Skinny Boy

http://everydayfeminism.com/2014/09/thoughts-being-loved-skinny-boy/?utm_content=buffer998ea&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer
I happened to stumble across a link to this slam poem on Facebook and thought it was extremely relevant to our recent body image discussions. Hope you like it!

Image Issues

An Anecdote

Body Image is a touchy subject for a lot of people, and I’m no exception. I’ve been on more diets than I can count; I’ve tried cleanses; I’ve fasted on nothing but green tea and water for more than 48 hours straight. I’ve worn everything from a medium to a 3X and I’ve never not struggled with my weight. In short, I’ve been conscious of the fact that I was bigger than average for as long as I can remember.

My grandma once told me that she used to call me “Thunder Thighs” as an infant. In second grade, my older sister called me fat and I realized for the first time that I was bigger than her. In eight grade, we had got weighed before gym class; I saw the number 140 on the scale and went home crying. Since then, I’ve bounced around quite a bit. The day I reached 200, I sobbed on the bathroom floor for at least an hour. At some point, I even managed to get all the way up to 240. I’ve lost quite a bit since then, but it would go against all social mores to tell you what I weigh now.

The “F” Word

I’ve always been “chubby” or “fluffy” or “plus-sized.” Let’s face it, I’m fat. I’m not sure how or when the word became a taboo, but I know that nearly every time I’ve said it, people have felt inclined to deny it. The thing is, fat people know they’re fat. We might try to change it or we might be perfectly fine with it, but we are constantly aware of it. I promise, there hasn’t been a moment since 8th grade where I haven’t been second guessing my outfit, wondering if these pants give me the dreaded “muffin-top”, if this shirt is too clingy, if I’m taking up too much space, or if I waddle more than I walk. Even when I’m feeling confident, I’m wondering if I really deserve to.

When a fat person complains about being fat, it’s not really the extra weight that they don’t feel like lugging around anymore, it’s the extra stress. It’s not the rolls they want to get rid of, it’s dressing in layers to hide them. It’s not the stretch marks, it’s the fact that they still feel guilty about the ice-cream they had last Tuesday. It’s not even the added health risks, it’s the thought of calculating how much food they deserve to eat right now, especially if they’re in public.

So when a fat person says they’re fat, and everyone else denies it, it reinforces the idea that it’s something deserving of denial. What might actually be helpful, in most cases, is to say “So what?” or “Who cares?” or even just “Okay.” By not acknowledging the “problem” as a reality, people enforce the idea that it is, in fact, a problem. If people acknowledge that it’s true, but treat it as a non issue, then it becomes just that.

Media Malady

The media needs to stop treating it as an issue as well. There should be no such thing as a “Plus-Size Model”; there should be models ranging through all shapes and sizes, and we shouldn’t need to come up with labels for them. By calling a woman “plus-sized” they are saying that she is inherently outside the normal, acceptable weight range.

Moreover, advertisements should feature people of all body types and races. People in all groups and walks of life have body image issues, but these issues are particularly concentrated among women, especially women of color. Often in the modeling industry, thinness is valued above all other aspects, and whiteness is a close second. Women of color are often treated as exotic, and also inherently outside the norm. If you’re constantly told that your body type or skin color isn’t normal, isn’t okay, you’re eventually going to believe it, and it’s going to have a huge effect on your self esteem.

Disorders and Diets

Furthermore, eating disorders run rampant our society, particularly among young women. Some starve themselves, while others binge and purge, and others count calories like their lives depend on it. These disorders eat away at them, both mentally and physically.

Sometimes, women are just dieting. But these diets are still dangerous. Many women who are not disordered still engage in disordered behavior; they won’t eat for days at a time; they’ll spend hours at a gym working off the few calories they ate that day. More often than not, they’re doing it to look like the women they see in the media, to feel better about themselves, or to establish some sense of control over their body.

Amending Advertisements

Women are constantly bombarded with messages about what they should and shouldn’t be. These messages often tell them that they are objects, that their only worth lies in their ability to look nice and remain passive in a culture that degrades them daily. Advertisers have known for a long time that sex sells, but this often comes at women’s expense. Lately, it seems that skinny is the new sexy, and it’s having some even more damaging effects then before. At some point, companies are going to have to take responsibility for their actions and change their methods.

Some companies have already begun, trying to prove that you don’t need to make women feel insecure in order to get them to buy your products. The Dove “Real Beauty” campaign features diverse women and body positive messages. Always’ “Like a Girl” commercial challenges gender stereotypes. Aerie has stopped retouching pictures of it’s lingerie models. On the whole, these campaigns have been very successful, both at helping women’s self esteem and at increasing sales. Hopefully, other companies will soon follow suit.